TV Update

I realized I'm past due for a TV update.

I think it's good that I write this, even if no one (or hardly anyone) is reading it. If anything, it will be fun to look back later myself and remember what we were watching.

We finished with the New Girl seasons that's provided currently by Netflix. There was a point where I felt myself falling in love with the show. I imagined maybe I could love it as much as Ugly Betty and Desperate Housewives.

That didn't happen.

I did enjoy it. It's a nice show. But I think I liked it about as much as I liked Happy Endings.  I like it. I don't love it.

I still miss Ugly Betty. I'm not kidding. When I think about it, I get a burning in my eyes...like little tears forming. Why did I get so emotionally attached to that show?

Our new show is Freaks and Geeks.  Jack's very busy though with evening Minecraft activities and was reluctant about dedicating 40 minutes of his time, so we split the show up into two parts.  It's kind of good because instead of 18 episodes we now have 36.  Why is this good?  Because we're running out of show ideas.  

I mean don't get me wrong. There are tons of shows out there, but not many that interest all of us.

We're now in the state of waiting for a lot of past shows.

We have to wait for the next season of The Big Bang Theory. We still love that.  Sheldon and his gang kind of feel like comfort food to me.

I am very eager for season 3 of American Horror Story to come on Netflix; and Jack's waiting for them to get the next season of Glee.  I forgot which one he's on.  In the meantime, he's been watching Phineas and Ferb.  He watched a few episodes of Man vs. Wild, and it seemed he might become obsessed. But then he lost interest when he thought about how a lot of it is over-dramatized.

We'll somehow try to see the previous season of Modern Family. I feel kind of weird that we temporarily abandoned them.  I'm hoping our library will have the show on DVD.  I'm thinking it will come out sometime late summer? Maybe fall?  Someone told me it wasn't good and I heard the Australian episode was pretty crappy.  We'll need to judge for ourselves though...at least part of the season.  It's not like I'm going to force us to watch the whole thing if early on we find ourselves agreeing with those who didn't like it.

I want to see Suburgatory.  I think we've missed a season?  Maybe the last season?   Yeah. I just looked. We have one season to watch. Maybe it will be on DVD.  Well, I'm sure it will be...actually.

The Wonderful World of Twitter

The other day I did a blatant self-promotion tweet about my freebie days on Kindle. I had little hope that it would do me any good, but I figured...what the hell?  Why not?

Then I saw that one of my "friends" from GoodReads (who's also a Twitter buddy) had retweeted my tweet. At the time, I was so grateful because my tweets hardly ever get retweeted. Actually...uh..."hardly" might be a euphemism word for "never" in my case.

Anyway, so he retweets my self-promotion post.  Not only that, but two of his followers retweeted his retweet.  I was so touched, but not sure how to respond to this kindness.  I had already vowed not to become one of those people who clog up other people's Twitter feeds with retweets of compliments and retweets they've received.

I ended up favoriting the tweets.  Then I followed the people who retweeted for me. But now I've come to realize something.  From what I can see these people retweet a lot of self-promotion posts. It's an act of kindness that's on auto-pilot.

And it is sort of kind. I appreciate it. But my gratefulness has been somewhat reduced.

I think there's a difference between promoting something you really stand behind and just shouting out blindly with no real loving (or liking) behind it.

I belong to a group on GoodReads that picks a writer of the month...or maybe week.  They ask fellow group members to promote the book on Twitter and other places. Then those who promote might be chosen for the next promotion.  As far as I can remember, they don't ask you to actually read the book.

It all seems a bit fake to me.

I haven't joined in. Yet.

I hope I don't ever feel desperate enough to do that.

Personally, I love to promote things. But I like to promote stuff that I actually like, or at least I'm interested in it. I did some promotional Tweets for self-published novels that I heard about on Twitter. But this was only after I had bought the books and planned to read them. And I DID read them.  I didn't blindly promote books I had no plans on reading.

Another friend of mine from GoodReads did some very nice promoting tweets about my novel. She's actually read a sample chapter of my novel and bought it.  And I have an old online friend who retweeted my book promo and bought the book.  I'm much more appreciative of both of their retweets.  It's authentic.

Now are their tweets going to bring me more attention than those who whore-tweet?  I don't know.  I just know I like them better.

Well, and I would also think that if someone over-frequently promotes other people, his or her followers are eventually going to think Well, he's not really standing behind this piece of art. He retweets everything.  It all becomes a bit meaningless.

Reading, Writing, and GoodRead Adventures

It's been about a month since I've updated.

It's hard for me to have the motivation to update this blog, since hardly anyone reads it.

Sometimes it's fun talking to myself. Other times, I get tired of it.

So...what's been happening?

I've been on GoodReads a lot. For awhile I saw it as my sort of Utopia. Now I've seen its darker side and I'm trying to spend a little less time there.  Well, actually that's not quite true. I started spending less time there BEFORE I saw the darker side. I made an effort to limit my time, because I didn't want to become a person who spends more time socializing on message boards than I do reading and writing.

I made a rule.  I can only go on GoodReads on any particular day if I've finished reading a book and want to post a review. After I post the review, I can go on GoodReads as much as I want that day.  

The only exception I have is private messages. If someone sends me one, I do read it and often respond.

Anyway, it was a great way to get me to read more...for awhile. I was so into GoodReads and it pushed me to read and finish books, so I could get back on there.

Now that I'm loving GoodReads a little less, I might be a little less prolific in my reading habits.  

Why am I loving it less?  

There's a lot of animosity between readers and writers...or really readers towards writers.  In some ways, it's strongly merited. There have been horrific cases of writers attacking readers who've given them negative reviews.  I'm very much against this for moral and personal reasons.  I've been treated badly on the internet for having an opinion people dislike.  

Sometimes when readers complain about mean writers, I think well, maybe they're being a bit too nasty with their reviews.  I've seen reviewers on GoodReads who seem to enjoy ripping books to pieces.  It's fun to be mean...that kind of thing.  On the other hand, I've seen firsthand that you can be very polite and gentle with your opposing opinion, and it doesn't matter. People will still throw hate at you.  

The other thing that bothers me about GoodReads is some of the writers do major kowtowing towards the readers.

It's kind of funny saying readers and writers...since I'd hope all of the writers are also readers.  

I should probably start saying readers and non-writer readers.   

Okay, so...let's say it like this.  Some of the readers are kowtowing to the non-writer readers.  And maybe it's needed to make up for the rude and immature writers.  I don't know.  Sometimes I feel it goes too far, because some of the non-writer readers have taken it too far.  Yes, some writers have displayed awful behavior, but that doesn't give non-writer readers the right to be obsessively antagonistic towards writers in general.  

Some of them sound like bigots.  I read one comment in which a non-writer reader defended her post in which she asked to be directed to a group that's dominated by readers rather than writers by saying she has nothing against writers. She has friends that are writers.

It reminded me of people who say I have nothing against Jews, gays, black people, etc.  Some of my best friends are blah, blah, blah.   

Onto other things....

My books.

I published The Dead Are Online on Kindle.  It's doing quite horribly. Well, the only person who has read and reviewed it is Tim (my own husband).  I told an email friend about the book and he bought it...started reading it. I don't think he'll be the type to write a review. But it's still really nice that he's planning to read it.   

It's funny about reviews. I'm putting so much emphasis on them right now. But before all this, I rarely wrote them and I rarely read them.   

I did the Kindle free days thing.  I had about fifty downloads.  I'm guessing it will be a very small percentage of those people who actually read the book, and I'll be very pleasantly surprised to get any reviews.  Or...well, maybe my surprise won't be pleasant if it's a bad review.  Hopefully I won't catch the bug that makes writers go on some kind of angry rampage.

In my last post, I talked about how I badmouthed Thirty Cats. That had a strange effect.  Trashing my own novel, for some reason, made people interested in reading it.  Four people added it to their To-Read list suddenly, and two have already read and reviewed it.  They both seemed to like (not love) it despite the formatting and grammar errors.  One reader was super nice—helped me download it into a format I could edit and pointed out some of my errors.  

I broke my contract with iUniverse a few weeks ago.  Now I'm in the process of editing. I did the first edit this week and will do at least two more in the next few weeks.

Despite the embarrassing grammar mistakes and probably-not-my-fault formatting mistakes, I was very impressed with the book.  

I think it's been at least twelve years since I've read it!

Anyway, I didn't really find anything I disliked about the storyline.  

I even had some tears at some point.

So...I'm going to work on republishing Thirty Cats this summer.

I might work on a sequel to The Dead Are Online.  Though it's hard for me to get excited about writing when no one is reading the first book.  But who knows what will happen in the future. I can imagine I'm writing the book for future readers...maybe even my own future grandchildren or grandnieces and grandnephews.   

I think I've given up on promoting my book.  I'm feeling it's a lost cause.  Readers (whether writers or non-writers) seem to hate blatant promotions. I don't blame them.  I do too.  Especially when it's excessive, but even when it's not excessive.

I thought simply being involved with GoodReads...being social would bring my book attention.  It hasn't happened much yet. Although one GoodReads friend bought my book the other day. I was excited and grateful about that.

I thought reading books from other self-published writers on GoodReads would bring on some reciprocal action.  So far...very little luck with that.  It didn't work on Twitter, and it's not happening for me on GoodReads.    

I don't THINK writers should read a book simply because the writer of that book read their book. But I guess my heart feels differently.  Or maybe my brain agrees.  I don't know. I think if someone reads my book, I would feel an obligation to at least try and read their book.   

That situation though can get sticky.  If someone reads your book and truly loves it...how is it going to feel if you read their book and dislike it? How do you handle that?

For my reviews in general, I try to be nice. Though GoodReads gives you the option of rating books 1-5, I usually stick to 3's and 4's. Three means I didn't really like your book too much and 4 means I either liked or loved your book, but I didn't love it as much as Harry Potter.  

Some of it's uneven though, because I was admittedly more gentle with self-published writers.  I can't go below a 3.  But then I have some 2's for regularly published books. I rated these before I became an active participant on GoodReads.

Now though I'm trying to give the same type of ratings to both mainstream and indie books.  

Well, for example...several weeks ago I read Artemis Fowl and gave it 2 stars.  But if I rated and reviewed it today, I would give it 3 stars. 

Back to promoting....

I'm kind of leaving it up to fate now.

If people are meant to find my book, I'll try to believe that will happen.

I think if people email me and ask what's going on in my life, I might say...I wrote a novel! If they ask to read it, maybe I'll send the link. But I'm not going to beg people to read it. It just lends to an uncomfortable situation for everyone.   

You know what. I love The Dead Are Online.  I think it's fantastic.  It might be one of my favorite novels.  But it could also be that I wrote a novel that's personally tailored to me...and only me.  Maybe it's my special friend and possession.  Just like my Minecraft world.  It's a great place...a great adventure.  But only for me.  I don't expect other people to visit.  I'm happy there on my own.  

That being said, I'd much rather people read my novel then mysteriously pop up into my Minecraft world.  The latter would be very creepy.  Terrifying, actually.  

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Haunted by Thirty Cats

I did what I said I wouldn't do.

I bad-mouthed my own book on Goodreads.

I wouldn't want people to buy it; then be angry because of the formatting and other errors.

I recently bought and downloaded a self-published novel. It was awful...I think even worse than Thirty Cats.  It was full of mistakes.  No, not just mistakes. The whole thing felt very unprofessional. Unskilled. It gave me a bad taste for self-publishing in general.

If someone buys Thirty Cats, and is disgusted by the errors, I might not be damaging only my own reputation, but other self-published writers as well.

Speaking of.....

I haven't heard back from iUniverse yet. Perhaps my email got lost? Maybe they're ignoring me.  I don't know. I'm not pleased with their company though.

That being said, I have to put most of the blame on myself. I published the novel in a rush, with very little editing. Years later, I didn't check on their e-book version when they announced that it was available.

As humans, we have the right to depend on other people to help us...especially if we've paid them! But we also have to make sure we can depend on ourself.

I have failed me and I've failed the girl who feared ending up with 30 cats.

Shit.

Oh well.

I hope I can treat my new characters better.

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Kids Watching Chaplin at a Birthday Party

Here's one of my dreams from last night:

My friend Carol tells me some of the plans for her children's birthday party. They're going to watch the movie, Chaplin. I'm thinking the movie's not going to hold the kids' interest. But she lets me know her kids have already seen the movie, and they like it. I'm doubting it will be the same case for Jack. I can't imagine him liking it.

Carol then starts playing music from the movie, and tells me the real theme/storyline of Chaplin is a mother trying to raise too many kids. 

I think to myself that if all else fails, I can tell Jack the movie's a prequel to Iron Man.

The only explanation I can think of, for this dream, is Tim saw the new Captain American movie the other night. He mentioned to Jack that it was similar to Iron Man. I'm not sure why my brain brought up Chaplin and connected it to my friend and mothers with too many children.  

The Stress of Thirty Cats

I'm very stressed out right now.

It's all due to a novel I wrote over a decade ago. Thirty Cats.

I published it on iUniverse, and didn't spend enough time on formatting and editing issues.  In the paperback novel, there are weird spaces in the middle of sections. I assumed that was my fault.  But today I downloaded the same of the e-book version and there are major formatting errors that aren't there in the paperback book. Since I had no part in creating the e-book, I'm assuming iUniverse is to blame.  If they're to blame for the e-book problems, might they also be to blame for the paperback problems?  Maybe?  Maybe not.

I'm very annoyed with the e-book problem.  For some of the dialogue, instead of quotation marks, there are weird markings....sort of like this <<talk talk talk talk>>.  It looks like html.  I'm guessing the problem's related to that.

I sent a complaint to iUniverse, and also asked to cancel my contract with them. I'm fed up with the company, for that...and for other reasons.

Well, one of the other reasons is they won't let you update files of your novel. Why not? Kindle publishing on Amazon allows you to do it. So why can't iUniverse?

Anyway, so here I am soon to publish another novel. I'm confused about what to do with the old novel. I often pretend it doesn't exist, mostly because of these two reviews on Amazon:

Very believable story regarding a young woman with NF1. Loved the story line . . . author has so much potential. Could have used a good editor. 

 And then there's....

I agree, a good editor would have been nice. I found myself tempted to read it with pen in hand to circle the mistakes. The author touched on many things that I myself have experienced as a girl growing up with NF1. I think it would have been nice to know a little more about the author. I wanted to know if this was loosly based on her life.

But there's positive statements there as well, and I recently learned I got 3 high ratings on Goodreads. Seeing those ratings inspired me to claim the book as it's author on Goodreads.  But now I'm regretting it after seeing the major formatting errors.

As soon as I saw that, I took down the little promotional thing, for it, I had created on my other blog.  I also looked to see if I could unclaim Thirty Cats on Goodreads.  I don't think you can.  Besides, it makes me feel guilty, like I'm rejecting one of my children.  My much younger self worked very hard on that book, and I did get a lot of positive responses for it (via email). I know it's not complete crap.

My wish is for iUniverse to write back, apologize, allow me to have the original files, and then I can go back and correct my grammar errors and their formatting errors.

Oh! I forgot to mention this shitty thing. I don't have the original file for the novel. I've changed computers several times since the writing of the novel, and didn't transfer at some point. So if I want to re-publish the novel, I have to sit there and retype it, word for word, while holding on to the paperback.  UNLESS...I wonder if there's a way to cut and paste from the Kindle.  I tried it while trying to quote from someone else's novel, and I couldn't. But maybe there's a way to bypass the problem?

I just looked it up, and there seems to be a way. But I don't understand it.

Well, never mind.  I see here, that there is a way, but you can't copy and paste more than 10% of a book. It makes sense. It prevents people from stealing your writing.  The problem is I want to steal my OWN writing.

I'm still at a loss about what to do...if iUniverse isn't helpful and/or cooperative.

Should I try to distance myself as much as possible from Thirty Cats?

Should I retype it and republish it?

Should I recognize Thirty Cats is a fairly decent book, and remember a few people have read it, likjed it, and seem to forgive the grammar and formatting errors.  

Thirty Cats and I are already connected via Goodreads, and if you google my name, Thirty Cats is one of the first things that comes up.  I can't hide from it.  I know that.  But should I put even more claim to it?  I'm creating a new author website. Should I put Thirty Cats there, along with my new novel?  If I create an account with Self Publisher's Showcase, should I list Thirty Cats as well?

In a perfect world, this is what would happen. My new book will be free of error and full of wonderfulness. People will buy it and love it. I'll be very successful. Then they'll find Thirty Cats, and they'll be excited to read one of my old novels.  They'll be forgiving of the errors, just as people forgive actors for their early roles in cheesy horror movies.

What I fear though is this. I'll claim my new novel on Goodreads. People will see it; then see Thirty Cats.  Maybe some people will think Thirty Cats is more their style. They'll buy it, be disgusted by the errors, and then not want to give my new novel a chance.  

I feel tempted to put a disclaimer on the novel.  Please be aware of formatting errors.

But that looks very unprofessional and immature.

It's kind of like when actors and/or filmmakers diss a past project.  It makes me wonder why they didn't notice the problem earlier. How do we know they won't later feel the same way about their current projects?
 
You know what. Writing about all this this has made me feel somewhat better.

I think I'll just hope for the best when it comes to iUniverse...but expect the worse.

I won't do any more work to promote Thirty Cats, but I'll also refrain from trying to distance myself from it.

I'm not going to type out the whole manuscript again....at least not now.  It's too tedious, and my new novel's my priority right now. But perhaps, in the future, I'll retype and republish.  Oh! Maybe my new novel will be super successful.  I'll be incredibly wealthy, and I'll PAY someone to type Thirty Cats for me.  Ha.  That's a nice fantasy.  

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I Am Plagued by The Plague

Holy crap.

I'm being plagued by a book about the plague.

I have an account with Shelfari.  It's one of those sites where you record the books you've read. I use the website, and I also use the apps on both of my blogs. You can see it if you look to the little side area.

Anyway, after you finish reading a book, you mark it read, and then it disappears from the blog app.

I tried to do this with The Plague, and later when I went to look at my blog, I saw it was still there.

I didn't think much of it. Sometimes I forget to tell Shelfari that I've finished reading the book. So I went back to do that. A little while I come back, and The Plague's still there! I keep trying to unmark the box that says "Currently reading" and it's not working!

Is that book going to be stuck on my "currently reading" bookshelf forever?

Well, just did a little test.  I lied to Shelfari and said I finished reading the books I'm currently reading, and they won't let me say I've finished those either.

Maybe they know I'm lying and they're against that.

And maybe they know I rushed through the last chapters of The Plague, because I wanted to get my butt to the library before it got too hot outside.

Shelfari has accepted my unchecking of the "currently reading" box for Carrie Lane's Cat Haus.  I think that was my first time reading an erotica book, and I gave it my full attention. I didn't do the same for The Plague, and maybe Shelfari knows that.

Maybe for now on, I'm only going to get credit for reading books that I give my full attention to.  If I daydream through half a book or rush through it, maybe Shelfari's going to refuse my insistence that I've completed the read.

Or maybe Shelfari's mad that I've started an account on Goodreads.  I think I like Goodreads better than Shelfari, because three people there have my novel Thirty Cats on their shelves, and they all gave me at least a 4 star rating.  The only one who has Thirty Cats on their Shelfari shelf, is me...myself.  That's kind of sad.  No...actually.  That's a lot sad.

I might have to get rid of the Shelfari app, and get the Goodreads one instead. The only thing is I don't want to be retroactive on Goodreads.  I've decided to add only books that I've read since joining.  So I don't want to lose my connection to Shelfari, because it has a lot of my past reading recorded.

Now I'm wondering if I should only record on Goodreads and keep Shelfari as my reading history.  Or should I continue to record my reading on both Shelfari and Goodreads?

Well, I just realized Shelfari's owned by Amazon, and Amazon's the one that's going to be nice enough to publish my new novel for free. So I feel I need to be at least somewhat faithful.  

I'll keep using both sites.

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HIMYM, Rosie O'Donnell, and Sanford and Sons

I feel compelled to share my dreams from last night.

1. I come up with an idea. Maybe I should write a spin off novel to How I Met Your Mother. The story will be told through the eyes of one of the kids, and the premise will be that Ted was an abusive and crazy father. The TV show will be presented as a fictionalized version of the story, and therefore the characters in the novel will have different names. Also, the characters will have similar but different careers. The idea's that Ted changed things for the TV show. 

I'm wondering if I can publish the novel, or whether it will be a copyright infringement. I'm thinking I'll probably have to stick to posting it on a fan fiction website.

2. I find Tim watching Sanford and Sons on DVD. I'm surprised and pleased that he's finally utilizing the gift I gave him years ago. But when I mention this, he tells me that I didn't give it to him. Rosie O'Donnell just gave it to him. I'm annoyed that he had the DVD from me all these years and never watched it. Then Rosie O'Donnell comes along, gives him the DVD, and he watches it immediately. Tim then goes to find the DVD I gave him. He can't find it. I go to look and can't find it either. I'm thinking maybe I gave it away, since Tim never used it.  But I'm also somewhat suspicious that Rosie O'Donnell stole the DVD from us and then gave it back to Tim has a gift.

While searching for the DVD's, I think of the Oscars. I consider asking Rosie O'Donnell whether or not she was there, and whether she got any of the pizza.  

That last dream was so random!  Years ago, I actually did give Tim The Sanford and Son DVD, because he had previously told me it had been one of his favorite TV shows.  I'm not sure why it was on my mind last night.  Nor do I have any idea of why I dreamed of Rosie O'Donnell.   

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I Have a Cover

Jack made a cover for my book!

Actually, he made four covers, because despite my love, I did have a few edit requests.

I do love the cover though. It makes me very excited about publishing my book.

Yesterday I was less excited, because I was reading about the whole formatting thing, and it all looks very intimidating. It took me over an hour to figure out margins and indentations.

I think I got most of it figured out.

I have a cover.

Now I just need something to put inside the cover!  I need to write this book!

No, I'm joking.  The book's already written...at least the first draft. I have to edit. I'll start that in a week or so.

Here's my editing plan.

1.  Transfer novel from Text Edit to Google Docs.

2. Read through novel quickly, fixing only spelling errors and typos.  Highlight things I want to change.

3. Go back and make changes.

4.  Go back again and work on formatting. For example, I have to fix all my sentences because I space twice after periods. I learned recently that you're not supposed to do this. It's going to be a pain in the ass to fix that, and it's a pain in the ass trying to break the habit!

5. Read whole novel out loud. I've read that this is supposed to help you catch errors.

6. Read whole novel out loud backwards.  I wish I remembered where I read this suggestion, but it's another way to catch errors. You don't read word by word backwards, but paragraph by paragraph.

7. use "Find to look at words such as "they're" "their" "their" "too" "two" "to" and make sure I have the right ones in the right places.

8. Try to find beta readers.  I've been lurking for the past week or so on this Goodreads group for Beta Readers and writers.  They seem like a helpful and supportive bunch.  

Hopefully, someone will want to read the book. If not, I'll take that as a very bad sign.

What I'd like is to get a few beta readers, because that will give me a better idea of whether or not I should change things.

It's hard for me when one person's judging. Right now, Tim's been reading the novel. His thing is to read two chapters a day. Then he tells me which one he prefers. He seems to consistently like certain storylines less. I'm tempted to think I've failed with these particular characters.  I really need to learn to take one person's opinion with a grain of salt.  Now if four people say they're not big fans of these storylines, and no one counteracts that opinion, I might need to make some major changes.  

Anyway, eventually after all this editing, some major self-esteem sinking, and near nervous breakdowns, I'll put the novel up on Kindle.

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My Walking Dead Love Has Returned...maybe

I was just listening to music from The Walking Dead, and I felt the love...the love that had sort of disappeared recently.

Earlier this week I told Tim I was done with the show for now.  I don't think we should pay for it. We'll watch season five in a year or so when we can get it for free.

But than about an hour or so ago, I told Tim I thought maybe the show had redeemed itself with the Rick bite.  He agreed and said he thinks we SHOULD pay for it.  I didn't have the heart to tell him I wasn't back in love to that degree.

But now, after hearing the music, I feel back to the fandom.

I think, besides the bite and the music, another reason my negativity has been reduced is the How I met Your Mother.  In comparison, The Walking Dead is doing very well.   

I'm like that with people.  I'll be very angry at someone; then someone else makes me angry and my anger towards the first person is greatly reduced.  

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Radiant Dork (Spoiler Warning)

I just finished reading Alyson Noel's young adult novel Radiance.

It's about the afterlife, which is of particular interest to me because the novel I just wrote is about the same thing.

In the book, Riley Bloom has to find her way in the afterlife, and this includes getting a guide and an assignment.

Her assignment is to convince spirits, who have been haunting one house for hundreds of years, to move on and come to where people like Riley dwell.

No one has been able to get these frightening spirits to move on, but here comes Riley to save the day. She has what it takes.

I'm getting sort of tired of young adult novels that feature a protagonist with spectacular skills.  It's not enough that something supernatural happened to them, but they also end up being the best and the brightest in the supernatural realm.  Or the most important.  Or the fate of humanity rests on their shoulders.

Now I might be jumping to conclusions here. Radiance is part of a series, and maybe further books don't present her as being way above average.

Another thing that bothered me about the book is Riley's attitude toward her guide Bodhi.  He dresses like a dork, and Riley criticizes him for that.  Then at the end, he transforms into a guy who wears cool clothes, and that pleases her a lot.

I really object to these lines in the book: My guide turned out to be not nearly as big of a dork as I'd first pegged him to be, which also meant he might not be quite so horrible to work with in the future.  Not to mention I just might've learned a very important lesson about judging people based solely on their appearance.  

What has she learned exactly about judging people's appearance?  That you never know if a great-looking person is hiding within an ugly one?  What she seems to be saying is that if he stayed in his dorky clothes, it would be horrible to work with him.  Does that sound like someone who's learned a lesson about appearance?

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Cassie Moore and Bedwetting

Today I read some more Of Mark Clay's Deny.

It's making me think a lot...making me wonder.

In some ways, Cassie fits the stereotype of a sociopath.  She's tortured small animals and she wets the bed.  Now she's moved onto killing a friend.

I'm looking online and seeing articles (including this one) that says the bedwetting thing is a myth.

Can I fault the book for making Cassie a bed-wetter when this stereotype is not based on fact?  Not really, because it's likely there are sociopathic teenagers out there who happen to have a problem with enuresis. 

But then again, if you have a stereotype and you give that character the stereotype, are you perpetuating a stereotype? 

I imagine it's rare for teenagers to suffer from enuresis.  

Well, no.  I just looked it up.   According to this article, it effects 1% of teenagers.  It's slightly rare, but it's not incredibly rare.

I've also been reading about the difference between sociopaths and psychopaths.  Honestly, I'm confused, and I'm not sure where Cassie Moore falls.  

Besides a lust for blood, the other trait I greatly associate with sociopaths and psychopaths is a lack of empathy.  But empathy is shown in the novel.  It's not presented in a sweet and rosy manner, but it's still there in a sort of way.  In the last scene I read, Cassie describes how her father has come home late again. And to make matters worse, he prolongs the time his wife has to wait to be with him by taking a shower first.  On top of that, he forgot to bring home a movie for them to watch.  The mother tries to hold back her tears, and tries to be strong. Well, pleasant really. She doesn't want to rock the happy marriage boat.

Cassie notices all this, and to me that shows she has empathy.  She seems to feel sad for her mother, and angry at her father on behalf of her mother.

There's a part of me that's thinking, this book's wrong.  She's not fitting into my definition of what's a sociopath/psychopath.

Then there's the other part that's thinking....well, first of all the book, so far, hasn't used those labels.  It's just brought up traits that I've learned to associate with those disorders.  Second, it's likely people don't fit easily into mental disorder description boxes.  

I just googled empathy and sociopaths and got an article about an interesting study.  They had sociopaths watch a movie and tested the empathy bits in their brain.  They showed lower activity than other people.  But then they had the sociopathic people watch the movie again, this time telling them to try to feel empathy.  They did feel it.  Their responses matched those of non-sociopaths.  

I think that's encouraging. Maybe sociopaths don't lack empathy. Maybe it's just harder to arouse in them.   

My guess is it would be easier for them to feel empathy for people they love.  Like Hannibal Lector kind of loved Clarice Starling.  I imagine he'd feel empathy for her...and maybe he did, in the books and movies.  I can't remember.  

There might be people unwilling to harm those in their special circle, but would feel no remorse hurting those outside of it.

In Deny, Cassie Moore has fallen into like with two homeschooling twins.  She seems to admire them, which is different from the deep cynicism she feels towards other people.  She enjoys being with them.  I imagine she'd feel empathy for them if they were hurt.  I think what sets her apart from a non-sociopath is that she'd murder the person who caused the twins harm, and she wouldn't feel remorse. 

Oh, and I can imagine she'd kill her father to avenge her mother.  

Well....I shall see what happens.     

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God Save Me From the Dark and Depressing

I bought another self-published novel today: Deny by Mark Gray.

I saw it promoted on Twitter; the premise looked interesting to me, so I read a sample. I liked the sample, so I bought the book.

Now I'm kind of regretting it, because the book's incredibly dark and depressing. That's not really good for my personal mental health.

Okay, you know how when you read some thrillers, you sometimes leave the point of view of the heroic protagonist and get to see into the eyes of the killer? Well, in this book...you're always with the killer.

It's not an enjoyable place to be.

The killer's a teenage girl, Cassie Moore. From the insights we're given, she seems like a sociopath.  She talks about killing animals for fun. After her first human kill, she lusts for more.

She's not a sympathetic protagonist.  I do feel pity for her, but mostly just fear. I mean I fear her...or people like her.  I don't feel fear for her.

I know there are people like her in the world. It's enlightening to get inside their head.  But in small doses. I don't know if I want to be stuck in this evil girl's head for 417 pages.

But there might be hope.  According to his bio on Self Publisher Showcase, Mark Gray's Christian and his religion plays a part in his work.  There's also been hints in the story that there's a spiritual element to the story. I think Satan plays a part.  So maybe she'll be exorcised.

I don't know though. Have there been cases of sociopathic serial killers finding Jesus and becoming good?

I'm curious how a typical Christian might view serial killers? Would they believe it's the work of the devil? Can a person like that be saved?

Will Cassie be saved?

Will I end up liking the book?  I won't if it continues to be this dark.  I don't mind darkness, but I need uplifting elements in the story as well. So far, that's not happening.  But I'm still at the beginning. According to my Kindle Cloud reader, I'm only 13% done with the book.

There's a lot of space left for hope.

Oh, and I sneaked a peak at a review on Amazon.  Stacey Coates says, at the end of her review,  It shows that God is always there when you ask for him!  

I don't believe in Jesus, or even God, in general.  But I'm hoping he comes along and saves the day....at least in this novel.

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The Finale of How I Met Your Mother (Spoiler warning)

We just finished watching How I Met Your Mother.

It was probably better than the Seinfeld finale, but not by much.

I'm wondering if...kind of hoping...that it will grow on me.

I don't like depressing TV show finales whose main theme is our beloved characters drifting apart through the years. This is what happened on Will and Grace and Mad About You.  I didn't like either of those finales, and HIMYM goes down the same path.

The hour finale jumps through time and we see the friends becoming more and more distant. It was rather depressing, and also confusing.

Then Barney and Robin have some marriage trouble. Robin's having to travel too much, and it's a strain on their marriage. They get divorced. That was shitty, because this whole season was about their wedding. The previous couple of seasons were about their love.  Then it's all over in a couple of brief scenes.

As many predicted, and despite Cristin Milioti's denial, the mother dies. Like the divorce, it all happens very quickly. There's just one very short scene of her in the hospital.

She's dead.

Robin and Barney are divorced.

So now....

We cut to the kids on the couch.  The daughter says what many of us have been thinking all along. If this is supposed to be a story about how Daddy met Mommy, why is Mommy hardly in the story?  And why does he talk so much about Aunt Robin? The daughter suggests maybe he has the hots for Robin and this whole story is his way of letting the kids know that he wants to get back together with her.

The show ends with Robin and Ted getting together.

I wish I could be happy about that.

A few years ago, I would have loved for them to get together. But after all the Barney and Robin romance, and after all this destiny stuff with the yellow umbrella, I'm really not feeling anything for the Robin and Ted coupling.    

Sometimes, a writer comes up with a really great premise, but they fail to do any good with it. The idea is good, but the end product is crap.

I think HIMYM was the opposite.  It has such a ridiculous premise.  A man sits across from his teenage kids and burdens them with a nine season speech about how he met their mother, but his story's really not about that, and he reveals all kinds of private stuff that kids don't usually want to know about their father.  But despite this stupidity, the show was great.  It was beautiful, funny, touching, and surreal.   Until the last episode.  The last episode lived up to the crappiness of the premise.

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